A PSALM FROM TODAY

A PSALM FROM TODAY

 

Nothing touches my thoughts like the presence of your name!

The butterfly whispers your praises with its wings!

 

The dolphin stands in the footprints you left on the water!

 

Boulders roll like marbles at the touch of your finger!

 

I pray to imitate the stars

Whose wills are but to go as you direct.

Life’s galaxies nudge me and my orbit slips—

Yet you lift up fallen stars.

 

If your miracles shone from the heavens

We would see the diseases you healed;

The people you fed;

 

And forgiveness—

The light of the sun!

 

 

 

 

A FRIEND LIKE YOU

A FRIEND LIKE YOU

 

My identification card expired, so my friend Teresa took me to the DMV to get a new one. While we stood at the counter the lady was tap, tap, tapping in the keys that needed to be used to get the correct information. Now, for almost forty years the name on my card was misspelled, with an I where the Y should be. This time I took in my birth certificate to prove the correct spelling. Just as the lady typed in information with an exceptional fast speed my friend commented: “That color on your fingernails looks so pretty.” “Thank you,” the lady said as she never missed a beat. A conversation then ensued between her and Teresa as she kept right on typing. Thoughts of my name being misspelled worse than ever crossed my mind and I considered purposely stepping on Teresa’s toe to make her hush. On and on went the little babbling conversation between the two ladies and I heard a smile in the lady’s voice. Finally the information was in and the picture taken.

“How much do I owe you?” I asked the lady.

“You don’t have to pay for a card when you are blind,” she said.

“Are you sure?” I asked. “I have always had to pay before.”

“Well, you shouldn’t have had to,” she answered, still with that smile in her voice.  “And” she said:  “I fixed your name.”

That isn’t the end of the story. We got back in Teresa’s truck and she told me there was a young man carrying a baby in a basket wrapped only in a blanket and the baby’s toes and chest were nakedly exposed. I could hear tears in Teresa’s voice as she recited this concern.

“What do you think would happen if we went and got something to put on that baby?” she asked me.

Thoughts of both of us laying dead in the middle of the DMV crossed my mind as I slightly shivered along like the baby but for different reasons. We rode on a little bit batting the pros and cons across the front seats and since she was driving all I could do was ride along as off to Target we went. She came out of the store with a oneZ in her hand and back to the DMV we went.

Why didn’t I go back in the DMV with her? Because it was too much trouble to get out of my warm seat? Because it was too much trouble to get Vivi out of the back seat? Because I needed to make a phone call? If you guessed any of those reasons you’d be wrong. I felt a little intimidated to walk up to a stranger I didn’t even know and offer something for a baby, probably five weeks old. “He should have sense enough to know not to bring a baby outside when it is 43 degrees dressed that way,” I thought, as I also thought about all those WWJD bracelets that used to be so popular?  (What would Jesus do?”)

Teresa came back to the truck and I heard a smile shining all over her face.

“Oh, Myra!” she said. That was the sweetest experience! That young man just received that gift with the biggest smile ever as he thanked me. You could tell how happy it made him.”

 

    

Bridging the Gap

At age forty-six I decided to take a creative writing class and found myself needing to write a short story. As the things in my life were changing, somehow I wanted to honor those changes by bringing some younger and older life moments together. To make matters interesting, in today’s literary markets the type and time of my childhood writing is referred to as “historical fiction.” This little short story never happened in my life, and now I find myself very close to the grandma’s age. It made me smile as I read some of the questions asked of me at the time, my answers then, and those now. They really haven’t changed much at all. Still, I must admit, the story seems to have been written by a younger person than I am today.  At whatever age, hope you enjoy both sides of the story and connect the dots of time.

BRIDGING THE GAP

1950

Grandpa was getting up from the dinner table when Grandma reminded him, “Don’t forget to check on Old Sue. She may have found her calf by now.”

Mandy tried not to giggle, but it’s hard not to giggle when you’re eight years old.

“Grandma,” she said, “I saw a calf born when I was four years old.  I know cows don’t go around looking for their calves.”

Grandma choked back a chuckle from behind the ear of corn she was trying to chew with her false teeth. “Maybe they’re like people,” she said. “Maybe they go looking around for the very things that are inside them all the time.”

Now Mandy was really embarrassed. She was beginning to wish she had not invited Gloria to spend the weekend. Last week she stayed with Gloria in the city. They went swimming, to a ball game, and even to the movies.  But there was nothing to do in the country except shuck corn and shell beans, and the grown-ups couldn’t even talk right.

“Don’t mind her,” Mandy said to Gloria. “Grandma would try to make religion out of a mud puddle.”

Both eight-year-olds giggled and tried to dart out the door before Grandma could chain them to the dishpan. Whoever said Grandma was slow certainly did not know Amanda Krebs.

“You gals get back here before I cloud up and rain all over you,” she called to them.

“Grandma!  I have company! We didn’t have to wash dishes at her house.” 

“You probably didn’t feed chickens or gather eggs either, but the hens don’t stop laying just because your cousin is here.” Grandma was already boiling water for the dishpan.

Gloria looked at Mandy. Her hands were as smooth as her face. Both her eyes looked questioningly at the singing kettle.

“Don’t worry, Mama and Papa will be home from the factory after a while and we won’t have to do this at my house. We even have hot and cold running water at home just like you do in town”

“Oh, I don’t mind,” Gloria lied because she was too polite to tell the truth.

Grandma looked at the two girls. It had been sixty years since she was eight years old. You didn’t talk about where calves come from back then, even if everybody did know. And girls certainly never went around in short pants after the age of four. But Grandma could be modern. She could shake her stiff leg better than anybody at the harvest barn dance every fall.  But she couldn’t be patient with little girls who had lily-white hands and wore necklaces in the middle of the day. She began pulling dishes from everywhere and dropping them into the sudsy hot lather.

“God gave us hands and feet because he knew we were going to need them,” her lecture began. “If he just wanted something to look pretty, well, he’s got plenty of flowers for that. You girls got it easy.”

Gloria leaned over to whisper to Mandy. “Are we going to hear about how she walked to school now?”

“No you ain’t.” Grandma’s ears were as sharp as her tongue. “Whatever made you think I went to school? I learned arithmetic from the Sears Roebuck catalog and the only book I ever read from was the bible.”

“That has to be true,” Mandy informed Gloria. “Grandma talks about the Bible so much that until last year I thought she must have written at least half of it herself.” The girls giggled.

Just then the back door swung open and Grandpa rushed in, “Better get some things together.  Old Sue isn’t able to have that calf.” He reached in the corner and picked up the gun, stuck a few shells in the pocket of his overalls and waited for Grandma to come with some rags, scissors, and on her way out the door she grabbed her sowing basket.

“Can we come?”  Mandy asked.

“No!”  Grandpa was firm.

The girls watched the couple hurrying across the yard. Just a few minutes ago the wrinkles in Grandma’s face had seemed to dance as she talked and worked around the kitchen. From behind, she looked old. She had a white cloth tied around her head that looked like it was holding her head together. She drug her stiff leg along behind her as though it weighed too much to lift beside her other one.

Grandpa carried the gun beside him as though the gun itself made a statement to life. His steps were as firm as his voice had been when he had forbidden the girls to come.

Mandy and Gloria looked at each other and read each other’s thoughts. They threw down their dish towels and started toward the door. “We’ll cut through the corn field and go around back of the barn,” Mandy said.

“Why did he take the gun?" Gloria asked.

“Shshsh, Grandma can hear me thinking.”

The girls didn’t have to duck. The corn stood almost six feet tall now and the leaves waved gently to them as they passed across the rough dirt. At the end of the corn field was a wire fence. Mandy lifted up the bottom two rows of wire so Gloria could crawl through.

“Are there cows in here?” Gloria whispered.

“Yes, and one bull, but don’t worry, they are more scared of you than you are of them.”

“I don’t think so. How far is it?”

“Just across the branch and threw those trees on the other side.”  Amanda was used to the thorns and the pasture.  It never occurred to her that Gloria might be frightened. A wooden plank lay across the little branch. The water was no deeper than three feet, with little minnows swimming under the plank as though they were playing “Snake in the gully”. Mandy took the six quick steps to the other side before she realized Gloria was not with her. She looked back at Gloria’s uncertain expression, and made a motion with her hand for her to follow her. The sun came through the trees and rested on Gloria’s auburn hair, making it appear for a second as though her head was on fire. The beauty of it caused Mandy to feel a brief jealous second, before she started back across the plank to take Gloria’s hand. The girls turned to the right and followed the trees to the wooden gate that let them peer into the barnyard. They were almost too late.

All they could see was red, even brighter than Gloria’s hair had been. Now the sun lay over the place where Grandma and Grandpa knelt. Grandma was rubbing Old Sue’s head and almost sitting on her front legs. Grandpa’s hands got lost somewhere in the red blob. It was impossible to tell where Old sue turned into the calf Grandpa was pulling from her body. It looked as though the cow literally broke into pieces while the girls watched. Finally, Grandpa and Sue gave a long cry together and Grandpa fell backwards catching the little red blob in his lap.

But Old Sue didn’t stop wailing.  Groans too horrible for eight-year-old ears to hear filled the barnyard with pain. Grandpa started standing up as the little red calf sputtered into life. Grandma carefully wiped its mouth, eyes and ears with the wet cloth she had brought, and smiled as the newborn immediately tried to suck on it. Sue was just too old to give birth. It appeared that Old Sue was akin to Grandma, seeming not to know when it was time to let go and let the young ones run the world.

Grandpa put a shell into the gun. Mandy covered her ears. Gloria screamed at the sound of the gun, but Sue became quiet and still on the ground. Grandma turned toward the sound of the scream. The girls came through the gate to kneel beside the new little creature that was struggling to stand up from Grandma’s lap.

Grandma looked into Gloria’s face and her heart melted tender to the child.

Until now, Old Sue had been just a cow to Mandy. Now she had real identity. Her life stood for something.

“What are we going to name it?” Mandy asked as though that were the appropriate question.

The little calf made a noise that sounded more like a sheep than a cow. Gloria’s eyes never left Grandma’s face. Each little dancing wrinkle seemed to have something special to say now.

“What will happen to the calf now?”

“Well, we have another calf about a week old,” Grandma explained. “We’ll take this one to the mother and see if she will let it nurse.”

“Will she?” Gloria questioned.

“That depends.”

“On what?”

“Well, sometimes a mother will take on another’s baby and sometimes not. Cows and animals can be like people sometimes. What it all depends on is love, nature, and God.”

Gloria finally looked into the baby calf’s face. The eyes were closed and Gloria wondered if they were any color at all.

“Let’s name it,” Mandy insisted.

“Let’s let Gloria name it,” Grandma suggested.

“Well, the first thing this calf heard was its mama getting shot. Why don’t we call it Bambi?” Gloria said.

“Then Bambi it is,” Grandma agreed.

“What will happen to Bambi,” Gloria still wondered aloud.

Grandpa had been busy cleaning up around the area and picking up things for Grandma to take back to the kitchen.

“And why the sowing basket?” Gloria asked.

Mandy giggled. “To sew up your mouth so you won’t ask so many questions,” she said as she began to understand why  Grandma had said that to her a thousand times when she was younger. Simultaneously, Gloria realized a real resemblance in Grandma Krebs’ namesake. She looked around the little area at the baby calf, her cousin, and the two old people. She reached out to touch Bambi’s little red head as the sun touched them with brilliance.

“Child,” Grandpa said because he was too old to remember a name like Gloria. “You come back next summer and Bambi will serve you up milk, cheese, and butter.” 

Questions asked by class and answered by me.

Q:  What is the significance of the color red?

A:  The brightness of life from beginning to end; light on Gloria’s hair, a young girl fixing to face life that may include some problems (jealousies), the redness of the cow falling apart at life’s end, the redness of the calf’s head as infancy.

Q:  What is the meaning of the title?

A:  The bridge of life, emphasized by the wooden bridge the girls had to walk across to get to the answers.

Q:  Shouldn’t the girls be younger than eight?

A:  I don’t know but I don’t think so in rural 1950.

Q:  You didn’t follow through on the God theme; why not?

A:  It was a part of what Grandma believed, and was a subjective presence in the story in the birthing of the little calf.

 

Sometimes I do find myself wanting to tell the whole world about the little tiny incidences God moves into my heart and keeps it together, …  things like yesterday? I took Vivi out, couldn't find what she had done so came back in only to realize I had to wash my shoes, and I was planning to give her a bath. I was amazed at how that just didn't bother me. Then I could not find the shampoo, but finally did, only to realize I couldn't get the shower head down like it is supposed to come so I could work better with it. After a while and finally realizing I was going to make myself fall I decided we'd do it in the tub. for the first time ever Vivi hopped in the tub like she really wanted a bath; thank God. Usually I have to pick up her 55 pounds. And all of that does not even include such a silly thing as dropping an empty soda bottle on the kitchen floor and not being able to find it. Once upon a time I could have seen it, but this time it required a prayer which God quickly answered. And oh how I could go on and on and on forever. We all have little frustrations that pop in and out of our heart so quickly we almost forget to say "thank you" to our precious Jesus when they are over. I am overwhelmed, overcome, and tearfully humbled by the blessings God has poured all over me! Letting go of this life seems so difficult, yet as it falls away bit by bit my spiritual hands can't raise high enough!  These moments of God's presence seem rare at times until we pick up a day, look at it and ask:  Where did I see Jesus today? It always amazes me when things that should frustrate me don't, and things that shouldn't, do. It's only when I walk constantly remembering who gives me the air to breathe that I realize the eternal joy of God that wraps my life up in His grace and makes my paths straight.

 

 

 EVERYDAY GOD THINGS

NOT JUST EVERY DAY BLIND THINGS

 

 

Stay with me till the end; there’s a real point, honest.

It’s Saturday, January 2, 2016, and here I sit inside on the first sunny day we have had in weeks, seems like months. So, what kinds of things can I find to get into inside my own house while I recuperate from this pneumonia?

It was Sunday when, as I re-examined my Christmas gifts, I tried to tell my body it was not getting sick. It was Monday when what little vision I have was so blurred I kept finding myself running into walls and then not knowing which wall I had run into. So, I stood there and coughed while I tried to figure it out. There are about fifteen doctors in my health care group but none could see me until Wednesday morning. Since it was raining, raining, raining, it didn’t seem right to ask somebody to get out in the wetness and take me to an urgent care center. So, on Tuesday morning feeling like my body had been thrown under a bus I called again and found one of the PA’s in my doctor’s office had a cancellation and Christi took me over there. After chest x-rays, and Armed with seventy plus dollars of medication, I came home, took as much of anything that I could and hoped for a good night’s sleep. I am still hoping.

What a spoiled child I can be, realizing I have been in my house from last Sunday until today without seeing anyone for more than a few minutes at a time. Poor Vivi never complained or whined, but every time it looked like somebody might stop and come in she went running, tail wagging to the door.

On Thursday my friend Mary came over and picked up Vivi for a follow-up appointment to the vet for me. Vivi doesn’t like going to the vet but she was so glad to get out of the house she didn’t even fuss when she realized that was where she was going. Mary brought her back with a good report.

I realized Thursday night I had been taking the night time cold medicine in the day and vice versa; honestly, it doesn’t seem to make much difference.

How sweet it was to get texts from some of my family and friends New Year’s Eve, and many friends who offered prayers for me on facebook posts.

This week I have read three books, two of them really good, undressed the Christmas tree, packed up the Christmas decorations, and who knows, I might even vacuum before tomorrow.

Today I feel better, even washed a load of clothes which might stay in the dryer until next week. I lost my cool, couldn’t stand it another minute and Vivi and I dashed out into the sunshine. Surely a quick walk around the block would be good for me! We did just fine until coming home I stepped in some mud that was as slippery as ice. If Vivi hadn’t bumped against me pushing me to the other side …  I have a vision of myself sitting in the middle of a mini mud slide calling 9 1 1  and my family yelling at me for going out.

Now, hopefully I will get a little cleaning done soon, but no chemicals as it would send my cough into a brand new place.

Still, I hope soon someone who can see how to get the tree in its cover will come over. Isn’t it interesting how the tree with its beautiful lights looks so out of place when the season is over? I cannot carry it to the shed so it will be here until someone rescues it.

Mail? O goodness! It is three inches high, honest. I do hope someone can help me with that pretty soon also or I may find myself one day sitting in the cold with no internet!

I put my pictures back where the Christmas decorations used to be, but it is very likely some may be sideways or upside down.

It’s the little blind things sometimes that can be annoying, walls popping up in places you didn’t think they should be, not being able to take yourself or your dog to the doctor, taking medicines at the wrong times of the day, can’t put away the Christmas tree, dropping a pill on the floor, (didn’t mention that one), or, how many ways can we find to “fall in the mud?”

What you do is sum up the sweet things:  Sunny days, Christmas gifts, money to pay for the medications, texts, calls, and especially prayers from family and friends, a beautiful white dog that thinks you hung the moon, someone to take you or your dog  to the doctor, finding the pill you dropped on the kitchen floor, good books; God’s healing touch!

 

 

 

 

HOW TO LEARN TOLERANCE

 

You sit through a movie you happened to find as you are turning the TV. It’s a great movie. Wonder what the name of it is.

You sit through previews for the next movies they are going to show but you know you may not be able to find them since you don’t know what channel it is either.  

I guess the bottom line is that most people would just think if you can’t see the TV who would need one.

 

Your MD calls to say  he called in a prescription your child should start taking right away; you forgot to buy flour for the dinner recipe you were fixing for tonight; the dog or cat needs to get to the vet; you find out you forgot to pay the bill that is due tomorrow.

You can do none of those things because you can only schedule a cab for the day BEFORE you need it.

You call and schedule whatever you need for tomorrow.

The cab or van picks you up but you must get out of the vehicle and go inside. Once your errand is taken care of, you must go outside and wait for another vehicle to come pick you up, even if the errand took less than five minutes.

Heaven forbid you want to get to two places in one day.

 

Someone comes in to set up your modem for high-speed internet. You offer to turn off your screen reader so it doesn’t interfere with what he needs to do. He says he can take care of it. He leaves and you find out that instead of turning off your computer screen reader he muted the entire computer sound. Of course you have no way to turn it back on. You call him back to take care of it but the internet provider says you’ll have to set up another service call.

 

It’s a rainy day and your dog chooses to use the carpet as his potty place … but … where ?

There’s a bee in your house … but where?

There’s a hole hidden by the grass, oops   … right there!

 

You have a great friend who is committed to taking you to the grocery store every week. I hope everyone has a friend or family like that. Anyway, you get in the car, in the store and pull out the list for her that you have printed up. You didn’t know you were out of ink.

 

You can see a large TV picture, but nothing as small as the lighted numbers or colors on a cable box.  You try to call your service for help only to get someone who will not help you because you can’t see the lighted numbers or colors on a cable box.   

 

He’s the foreman for a tree servicing company and immediately gives his crew instructions on where to begin as he walks up to the door of the house. Just as he starts to put his hand  over the doorbell button a door opens, a lady seems to peer out at him, then immediately closes the door in his face. Why? He wonders.

Inside the house a blind lady hears saws outside. Her neighbors had a tree fall in their house the other day so she goes to the door to try to figure out if the saws are in her yard or in her neighbor’s yard. She slightly opens the door and hears the saws just outside so she closes the door, not realizing a man was standing there.

What happened? He rang the bell, she apologized, and later told me this story.

 

You are young, have some sight but not enough to read the church hymnal. You stand there holding the book, then the pew member standing beside you has no hymnal so she leans over to read along with you. She takes the book from your hands, turns it right side up and gives it back.

 

There are a few answers to some of these little imperfections. First of all, there is now an app that goes with my TV internet service which I am able to use to navigate channels etc.

I have learned to try to remember things I might need tomorrow, mostly making notes so I won’t forget. Should an unexpected emergency pop up I thank God for my family and friends, though I try very hard not to take advantage of their good natures. One never knows when a real crisis could occur so never overuse those who are available to call, and realize things could be worse; you could live somewhere where there’s no transportation provided at all.

Some things just happen and they surely must happen to teach blind people how to sort out what is really a crisis and what is just something to smile about later.

Church hymnals? That’s a pride thing; you’ll grow out of it, or, maybe you’ll go to a church that uses overheads and sings songs with so much repetition everybody will think how cool it is that you know the words.

There are so many things to be thankful for I try to never waste my time thinking of things that aren’t. Today is a sad day for America as we realize violence lives in the hearts of many. Sometimes I feel frightened walking with my dog, very vulnerable in an open space alone. All I know to do about that is pray for God’s protection and remember the words “Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil for thou art with me.”  

 And today I wrote this little note hoping to get at least one more person besides myself to smile.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

   

THINGS THAT GO BOOM IN THE DAY

 

I was sitting in front of the TV. Suddenly I heard a very loud boom from inside my house. It sounded like the glass on my front door had splintered in some places and something was falling from the ceiling. The only thought that crossed my mind was a gunshot. The second thing that crossed my mind was that since there were roofing people working on the town homes that some equipment had blown up. I was afraid to move but ran with Vivi into the bedroom so I could get out the back door if I needed to. I immediately hit the button and told Siri to call 911. Suddenly I felt very vulnerable, very afraid, and very blind. I was telling the lady the proper information and had calmed down just a little … and.  Then I realized I also smelled something. It smelled a little like a rotten egg. Realization hit me as I opened the bedroom door, walked to the kitchen because I remembered I had forgotten all about putting two eggs on to boil for the chicken salad I was going to make for dinner. “OH please please please don’t send anybody! My neighbors already expect me to be weird!” I begged the 911 operator, as I started to explain the situation. She started laughing. Talk about having egg on your face. Thank goodness I only put two eggs in that pot. I found most of one of the eggs on the stove, black shell and all. I couldn’t find the other one so I did what I always do when I’m in a pinch, called Christi. We found the other egg … on the pop corn type ceiling, on the light fixture, the refrigerator, stove, trash can, cabinets, tops of picture frames, anything and everything that was in the kitchen and then some. That egg really did blow up into a million pieces, like large grains of salt only water did not make it melt one bit. Probably I will continue to find egg grains in hidden places we missed, but then, I guess that’s one way to get help to get my kitchen cleaned.

Now, in case any of you just are waiting on the edge of your seat wondering if I ever made the chicken salad? No. I put that chicken back in the fridge and ate cereal for dinner.

I realize that twenty years ago I’d have probably done something else stupid when I heard the big bang like walk out my front door to see if anyone was outside, or gone into my kitchen and felt around to see if something like the sky had fallen.

Now, surely I must tell you what I was watching on TV that I was concentrating on so much that I forgot about the eggs? “Dr. Phil!”  Yes, Dr. Phil had the lady on who had poured Drain-O in her eyes so she could become blind. I truly pray she gets the help she needs to find the truth.

Today however it concerns me just a little as I wonder if the S in Seventy means senile; then I have to laugh as I think a closer fit would be Silly. Nothing on TV is worth all that.