SILLY SAYINGS

 

 

It’s fun to look back and laugh occasionally at the naiveté of a child.  Perhaps you can identify some of the things you believed as well, even some of the same things I thought were true.

 

Did you know that if you park a car in the sun and the sunshine is reflected off a wall inside the house a fire could start?

 

Surely since a nickel is heavier it must be worth more than a dime.

 

If you swallow a water melon seed it will grow inside your stomach. That one must be right up there with the baby being found in the cabbage patch. Silly people, don’t they know storks bring babies.

 

If you eat enough carrots you can see better. That may be true, but when I woke up one morning after eating twenty-one carrot strips for supper and couldn’t see one bit better I surely was disappointed.

 

IF it rains while the sun shines the devil is beating his wife, or, it’s going to rain again tomorrow.

 

If a dog eats a slice of white bread it will go mad. That must be true because my last dog ate a slice and got mad when I grabbed the rest of the loaf and he couldn’t get another slice. LOL, that was too cheesy.

 

If it gets printed in the newspaper it definitely is true. That surely might drive someone crazy if they believe it today.

 

I was totally convinced by my grandma that chicken hawks lived in the deep well out back.

 

She also convinced me that rubbing a wart with a potato and burying the potato in the back yard would take the wart off.

 

Mustard plasters?  Don’t laugh; check out YouTube. Most people call them folk lore or a poultice made with ground mustard. I call them hot and painful, not to mention the smell because I remember people using mustard right out of the jar.

 

If your ears ring more than 10 seconds someone is going to die. That one scared me so badly that every time my ears started to ring I ran to the water fountain and took large swallows of water to be sure they stopped before the 10 seconds passed.

 

It’s a world-wide superstition that if you split a post with someone while walking you’ll have bad luck. Of course I do not believe that … even though I did teach my last guide dog, Mego to always walk behind a person instead of causing me and that person to split that post. Have I taught that to Vivi? No, I just throw some pretend salt over my left shoulder?

 

This is how I believe superstitions work:  If you believe a bad luck saying like that is true, you wait for something bad to happen and then you honestly think whatever saying you believed in caused that thing to happen … even if it’s years later.   

 

Red headed people have bad tempers. Really? There must be red roots somewhere underneath my blonde hair.

 

My mother-in-law once gave me the most beautiful African violet ever. I loved it. “OH thank you so much!” I said. She answered:  “Oh no, you aren’t supposed to thank anyone when they give you a flower; now it will die.” It did … after two years.

 

Radios once had large tubes in them and often the backs of radios had something like heavy duty cardboard on the back with holes in it. How many of us picked up the set, put our eyes on the holes in back and pretended we saw people in there?

 

If you put a chicken’s head under its wing and rock it in your arms it will go to sleep. Unless chickens have changed since I was ten years old, it’s true; at least it worked for me; honest.

 

Okay, enough you say? I agree, especially since I don’t believe in luck, but believe my life is governed by God’s plan and no rabbit’s foot or ear ringing or post splitting has a thing to do with it. Still, it’s funny to look at how a human mind can work sometimes even when we’re grown. This is why I never copy, paste, share chain promises or even share testimony chains on social media, but only put this out there hoping somebody might really laugh today.

 

 

THINGS THAT MAKE ME CRAZY ... ER

 

 

All of these things are not just because I’m a blind person although most of them are. Some, however, are those things that back in the day we used to call pet peeves. We may be the only ones hosting them, yet some are funny and some are shared by folks who just haven’t said them out loud.

 

A few things include:

~Facebook posts that say copy and paste!

~Facebook posts that are print only.

~Going out to eat with someone who can’t stay off Facebook.

~Commercials that never say what they’re advertising.

~Game shows on TV that the game is almost done and the host says “here’s the three you missed,” as print appears.

~What channel is my TV on?

~the word hashtag?

 

Well, those seemed funny when I thought of them. Let me try again.

 

You go somewhere. A person appears and a memory alarm goes off in your head but the name doesn’t come with it. Then the person walks up and says: “Remember me?”

 

You think you are totally alone just after you’ve … ?

 

What?  Food programs that are clearly designed so you can lose weight … but not admitting they’re diets.

 

Coffee:

What do you mean there’s no coffee! … Monday morning.

 

Coffee venues caring who puts out the pumpkin spice latté first.

 

People arguing over a red cup at Christmas.

…

Incidentally, There’s no such thing as nose blind,

However I don’t walk when the wind is blowing hard because I can’t hear where I’m going.

 

People know you can’t see so they think you don’t know when they’re rolling their eyes … and they’re right.

 

People whispering so they think you can’t hear … and they’re wrong.

 

Forgetting a word, a name, a place or a phrase in the middle of a sentence.

 

Remembering a word, a name, a place or a phrase that embarrassed me forty years ago.

 

Phones:

Political phone calls.

 

Calls that begin with someone saying:  “I’m not trying to sell you something,” then does.

 

Where’s the button that makes my phone ring so I can find it?

 

Things that make my blood pressure go up a notch:

Spending time returning phone calls because customer service didn’t get it right.

 

Now, just as a side note, these little things come from a compilation of notes that are jotted down in my memory file so as not to spend all day wondering what to write. So, let me wish you all a great day with no blustering winds outside, no distasteful phone calls, nothing embarrassing happening to you, a good cup of coffee … or tea … and some blog or Facebook post to make you smile.

 

 

A DAY IN THE LIFE

 

(A mission from a blind person, to help us all understand each other better).

 

Once about approximately twelve years ago I met a friend who influenced my behavior in a positive way. I was complaining about folks who said things when they thought I couldn’t hear them like: “bless her heart.” Those kinds of remarks tended to make me crazy mad and I found myself wanting to turn on them in such a way that they would probably pray for my heart instead of blessing it. This person pointed out to me that I had no more of an idea how it seemed to those who could see than they had of how it is for me not to see. I will admit that there still are occasionally times when I want to stick out my tongue or make a face when someone points to a product I am asking about in a store or asks one of my friends: “Can I pet her dog?”  However, as I sit here I feel the need to pay tribute to all those good folks who have helped me in so many ways, and point out a few good people in so many places.

Where to begin? How about those sweet ladies who have been willing to drive their cars a hundred miles to see my mom, refuse to accept a tank of gas,  and then bring me back home, people like Margaret, Winnie, Dorsey, Teresa, and Mary. If these special ladies don’t enjoy doing this, they surely have me fooled. They love seeing Mom also. Now that we can’t go shopping or riding around or out to eat anymore because of mom’s health, still they go! Then Janet, from another hundred miles away drives down to visit and always says: “What do you need help with?”

I know there is a TV show called “A Day in the Life,” so I don’t want to get sued; maybe I should call the blog, this day in my life.

But before I get to this day, let me tell you about my ophthalmologist. He and I have appealed the decision of my insurance concerning eye drops at least four times, at least so many times that now the only way to win is to go through a hearing with a judge. The drops cost me $135.00 a month because my eye reacts badly to the preservatives in the generic. Believe me, we have tried oodles of drops and this is the one that works without side effects. Instead of going through a hearing he just tells me not to worry, he’ll take care of it.

So now, just a few people from this very day. First of all, anyone who is blind really resists asking for help as much as possible. Well, there may be a few who have no problem with it whatsoever. Anyway, as my vision deteriorates it is necessary for me to ask for help more than I ever thought I could. Almost eighteen months ago the City of Raleigh begin working on getting an audio light and painted crosswalk at a street I cross which has become busier since the building up of businesses in the area. Finally about a week ago it appeared.  This morning it wasn’t a difficult decision for me to go to Sam’s Club which is on the other side of that crossing. Vivi has learned where the pharmacy is in Sam’s Club, but this morning I was going to the watch counter. I asked the lady inside the door which way I should go. She was going to tell me by yelling the turns to me while I walked as she said “I can’t leave my desk.” However, after noticing she couldn’t direct me that way I heard her heels come tap, tap tapping across the floor as Vivi followed her to the right place. Then I heard someone call my name and some friends I hadn’t seen in several years gave me a ride back home.

Time for the gym. I have missed going to the gym for over half a year and for the past month it had seemed like either Vivi or I had forgotten where things were. Today as I stood on the art trainer a person came up and asked me if I remembered him. He worked with me when I started going to this gym quite a few years ago, showing me where things were, even counting steps in places to find where a turn was to the next machine. As I hugged him I asked “Have they moved something around in here?” As it turns out, they had moved things, some in one direction and some others and some out altogether. He again took me on a tour of where things are, even counting steps in one new area.

After gym time was over I waited for a cab that never came. I called the dispatcher and she told me to call my usual cab driver, who not only came down town to pick me up, but took me all the way to the mall. Suddenly I realized it was 2:30 and I had not had lunch, so Vivi took me to Chic Filet, because they are the best people to help. The first thing I had to ask someone about was “Am I in line?” The next thing was “Can you swipe this card for me?” All those machines don’t work the same way. The next thing I had to ask was: “Could you please help me find a table?”  To all my questions a very friendly person answered me as if I was the only customer there. Vivi followed him as he carried my food to a table, then came back to see if I wanted more drink, then came once more to take my tray for me.

Time to go to Sears, where I was once again going to a watch repair store as they didn’t have one in Sam’s Club. Sears will put a battery in a Braille watch for free, which is, in itself, a really nice benefit. So, of course, I went in on the wrong floor. I listened for a cash register. Hearing none, I had to ask someone where one was. Finding it, the cashier told me the elevator was just across the room but not only that, she walked with me, pushed the buttons, went upstairs with me and walked me all the way to my destination. You might think this person “me,” would know her way back out of the store into the mall? Not a chance. Vivi just headed one way and I hung on. Finally, after an appropriate distance, I asked someone which way to the mall. You guessed it, another person to help. I was close enough

however that he could just stand where he was and tell me when to turn.

Now, if anybody wants to say “bless her heart,” go right ahead. My heart was blessed by at least eight people just today, not counting those mentioned earlier. I think I am beginning to learn the meaning of the Tim McGraw song “Humble and kind,” well, the humble part anyway. It would be such a fine thing to be able to influence someone in such a positive way as my friend did for me a dozen years ago. It’s so much easier now to ask for help if I absolutely need it, and to experience the goodness in so many people in our world, the good news we don’t often hear about on TV.